


Hair War

by rinnya



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, Domestic Avengers, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff, Gen, Hair, Hair Braiding, Humor, Memes, News Media, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Social Media
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-18 04:14:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15477438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rinnya/pseuds/rinnya
Summary: The image of Steve, helmet off and nose wrinkled, and the finger of his glove between his teeth, brows furrowed in concentration as he cards his hands through Natasha’s hair, circulates quickly.Pandemonium ensures.Steve braids hair on national television, the media react like just how the public does (read: blown completely out of proportion), Tony thinks he has better hair, (and Bucky finds his way home.)





	Hair War

**Author's Note:**

> OMG guys sorry for procrastinating my other fics! I'm currently working on the sequel to ABNQ/Supersede/Nikolai's fic which involves AOU, but I have some side projects going on (ugh) and some unpublished works (ughhh) and a whole lot of schoolwork (UGHHH) and I deal with it by doing,,,, none of them. But I wrote this on a whim and decided to just post it?   
> Expect the sequel of ABNQ/the next installment of supersede up soon? I hope?

**Hair**

The image of Steve, helmet off and nose wrinkled, and the finger of his glove between his teeth, brows furrowed in concentration as he cards his hands through Natasha’s hair, circulates quickly.

Pandemonium ensures.

\--

“It’s not that big of a deal,” Steve says weakly, and Ellen hums unconvincingly.

On the big screen behind them, (being broadcasted internationally, Steve notes with dismay), Falcon fiddles with something on his wrist. The camera pans past Iron Man, faceplate up, gesturing wildly in the air. 

Tony’s voice runs in the background but he is no longer in the shot, (which the man is still something which Wanda describes as “salty”, about.) The cameraman, whom Steve learns is from the Daily Bugle, zooms straight to him twisting braids in the background.

\--

Context.

Natasha says, irritably, “hair, Rogers.”

She’s sweaty and disgusting, and her hair is tangled. 

Steve pulls his right glove off with his teeth, rolls an elastic hair tie out from under his sleeve, and begins combing her hair with his hands.

“Excuse me,” Tony’s voice calls, off screen. The camera pans to Iron Man, miffed.

Steve pulls Natasha’s fringe out of the way and starts braiding, eyes narrowed in concentration.

\--

“I have never been more neglected,” Tony rants. It is uncertain if it is the beginning it the conclusion of said rant. Sam’s eye roll offers no significant insight.

“Three days ago you were complaining they never leave you alone,” Pepper says mildly. 

“It’s just braiding,” Steve says, “so what if I know how to tie hair? Plenty of people can tie hair.”

“It’s because you’re a boy from the 1930s,” Clint says, “that means everyone thinks you should be all gender-stereotypical, blue is a boy color and makeup is for girls and whatnot.”

“I think it’s more of the fact that Steve carries hair ties around,” Wanda counters, “and him tying hair is something that happens common.”

“I cut my own hair,” Steve says self consciously, touching his blond hair lightly, “I’m from the 1930s. We were poor.”

“No one cares about the poor,” Wanda says again, “you’re Captain America, they probably think you were born with a golden fork in your mouth.”

“Silver spoon,” Tony corrects offhandedly.

“You say that like I’m dumb but I’m actually really smart in Sokovian,” Wanda hisses.

“You like art,” Clint says, “My kid takes art history. Paintings are all about rich people in the past. No one cares about the poor.”

“That’s because the poor couldn’t afford to commission painters,” Steve tells him, “but there were ton of paintings about the poor, like The Gleaners by Miller or Johannes Vermeer’s Girl with a pearl earring, and I guess you’re right about people not caring much about the poor being properly represented because it actually caused quite a bit of controversy at that time-” 

“Oh god,” says Tony.

“No, go on,” Clint says, scribbling furiously, “say something about Picasso.”

“He died in the 1970s,” Steve says mildly, “which was a good 30 years after I did, actually. He was part of the Surrealism movement - non realistic or surreal paintings, in a sense, and he was one of the pioneers of cubism, which is essentially a subset of surrealism and abstract art that uses, well, cubes or geometric shapes to form a subject matter. One of his most famous works are-”

“Not that I don’t enjoy this conversation,” Fury interrupts, “which is fucking amusing, by the way, but we should get back to the task at hand.” Steve can’t tell whether or not the man is joking. 

“You’re supposed to be dead anyways,” Tony shrugs.

Fury looks at Steve, visibly pained. Steve shrugs. Being “team leader” only gave him lead strategist perks on the battlefield, but off duty he has as much authority over the Avengers as a harried babysitter over toddler children.

Of course, more often than not, he was one of the children.

\--

“You’re doing that wrong, Bruce,” Wanda says, from where she’s seated cross-legged in front of Steve.

“What?” Bruce says, fingers in Natasha’s hair. 

“He’s not messing it up, is he?” She demands.

“Hm,” Wanda squints, “he’s braiding too loosely. It’s falling apart.”

“Pull my hair, B, I can take it,” Natasha says, then tilts her head to wink and grin saucily.

“Steve,” Bruce whines.

Steve looks up, twists a four-stranded braid in Wanda’s hair, and shrugs.

\--

“Earlier this week, during an Avengers Mission in Sabah, Malaysia, we can see that Scarlet Witch aka Wanda Maximoff, arrived to the scene with intricate braids in her hair. Captain America, Iron Man, and Hawkeye are also present at the scene. Earlier this month, close up footage of Captain America braiding Black Widow’s hair was-”

“Would you stop reading that?” Steve calls out, irritated.

This whole thing was blown out of proportion.

“They didn’t even get my good side,” Clint complains. He throws the magazine at Tony, who startles but continues gesturing to Bruce, on the couch. “There are like, 10 pictures of Wanda’s hair, and like 2 pictures of me, and I’m not even in focus in one of them.”

“I’ll take a picture of you,” Natasha offers.

\--

“You got a buzzfeed interview? About hair?” Clint rages, “I’m literally trained in hair styling!”

“Best hair? Uhm, hello, have they seen these locks?” Natasha huffs.

“You and your wigs, widow, I have natural glowing beauty,” Tony touches the top of his head, offended, “is it because I have grey hairs? I totally rock grey hairs. I think it makes me look suave. Buzzfeed is cancelled. Bruce, who has better hair? Me or Steve?”

“Do I have to be involved in this?” Bruce asks.

“Boo,” Wanda says, patting her own head, “I bet Steve doesn’t even use conditioner.”

“I use conditioner,” Steve says, mock offended, “and the interview was just, well, weird. They asked me to braid someone’s hair on camera.”

“Hair War!” Natasha screams. She pounces.

Steve remains standing when he catches her, and Clint, but not with Tony, or Wanda.

“Ouch,” says Steve.   
“Hair War,” Tony says.

“You’re a child,” says Steve.

“A child with good hair,” Tony agrees.

“You all look ridiculous,” Bruce says cheerfully.

Click, goes the camera shutter.

\--

The verified twitter that Tony made for him blows up.

The culprit: A picture of Natasha, Clint, Tony and Wanda, lying on top of Steve, sprawled on the floor. Caption: Hair War. 

Thanks a lot, Bruce, Steve thinks.

“Aww I missed the fun,” says officialfalcon, blue check mark.

“Best hair? Steve? Excuse you, Buzzfeed,” says TheRealTonyStark. 

“:P,” says blackwidow.

\--

“Oh,” says Steve, voice soft.

“I saw your interview,” Bucky says, awkwardly. He is standing in front of Steve, hair loose and matted. He pats the side of his head with a metal hand lightly

“The Buzzfeed one?” Steve asks, voice faint. He thinks he might fall down. His legs were weird. Why were his legs weird? 

“Daily Bugle,” Bucky tells him, shrugging. 

Steve opens his mouth to say something. Closes it.

“Did you use to do that?” Bucky asks, “braiding. When you were small. Like, little small.”

“Yeah,” Steve tells him, “I, uh, used to practice on your sisters.” His legs were weird, like stumble-backwards-and-swoon kind of weird. Good thing he was against a wall. Steve feels kind of vulnerable in his own apartment. Raw, and open. Bucky could shoot him now, and he wouldn’t even fight back.

Bucky’s gaze turns fond. “Yeah?”

“Becca,” Steve says, his own voice sounding faint, “Mary, Alice.”

Bucky looks at him for a long moment, warmth in his eyes, then his mouth opens and his voice rolls out, deep and amused. “You had a buzzfeed interview?”

\--

This, Natasha thinks, stealth suit on and a carabiner clipped to her belt, is so beyond her paycheck.

“Captain’s compromised,” Tony sing-songs through the comms, like the prospect of Steve being throttled is a positive outcome.

“You sure, Nat?” Clint asks, “why would the Winter Soldier find Steve? Why now?”

“That guy’s a nutcase,” Sam argues, “goddamn 1940s assholes.”

“Shut it,” Natasha hisses, gun cocked. She had a feeling, a gut feeling, and a choppy security footage of the Winter Soldier in Bangkok that was so awful she just knew it had to be doctored. She scales the building and slides in through Steve’s bedroom window. 

In the living room is the Winter Soldier, apparently unconcerned with the proceedings. His hair is braided up. Steve is nowhere to be found.

“Goddammit,” Natasha curses. The Winter Soldier looks over at her, blinking, and damn if Natasha knows a smug expression when she sees one.

“Nat? What?” Clint’s voice calls from the comms.

“Hair War,” she tells him bitterly.

\-- 

“Capsicle,” Tony greets, “...bucksicle.”

Steve’s gaze snaps up sharply, and he narrows his eyes at Tony, then goes back down.

He’s weaving strands into the Winter Soldier’s hair. The Winter fucking Soldier.

The Winter Goddamn Fucking Soldier.

The Winter Goddamn Fucking Soldier barely looks up. He has his hands in Wanda’s hair.

Wanda is unconcerned. 

“1940s assholes,” Sam rages in the background.

“Mhm,” Tony says.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
